In the last three weeks, Josh and I have taken 14 flights across Canada from west to east coast and back; finishing it off with a 10 hour drive through a snowstorm. We have seen what 11 different cities in Canada look like in winter, and all the airports blur together. We met some amazing people and some very strange people. And in this moment of exhaustion now that we're home, I feel like the most vivid memories I have of CaRMS* tour are the sound of the wind in St. John's Newfoundland, the awkwardness of changing out of a dress suit in an airport bathroom, and the glorious calm when Josh and I looked over the Atlantic ocean in Halifax once I walked out of my last interview.
I had a very blessed tour, in the fact that I can look back and say with honesty that these interviews were the most exhilarating part of the application to residency experience. With most of my interviews, I left feeling high with positivity and excitement about the possibility of a new life in that program and city. This process has not been all positive. Self-esteem constantly took huge blows, and the emotional rollercoaster of feeling confident yet insecure about the future of my career was exhausting. I felt physical symptoms of anxiety I had never felt before. But all those feelings took a break and I am so grateful I was able to show the programs who I am as a person and where my passion lies. Through all of this, I hope I find my people.
Josh has been unbelievable. We went on tour together so that we would both have the luxury of experiencing the cities we may be living in next year. He's such an enormous part of this decision and every day he is generous, gracious and patient with his support of my dreams. He quiets that voice in my head that tells me I can't do this and he is a spirit of calm in the chaos. He lights the fire to keep me driven and motivated on days when my feet drag. Before I met him, I was proud and independent to a fault, and he has taught me the strength in pursuing our goals as a team; our two selves leaning on each other through the storm.
I would be lying if I said that the waiting game isn't scary. We are uprooting our lives for five years and won't know for another month where we get to lay our heads. Will we have friends? Will our family be miles away? What about jobs? Our rank list of programs is in a constant state of flux, but we take peace in the fact that we will be together and live a life full of joy and meaning no matter where we end up. Please reach out if you're feeling unsettled and scared of the unknown in an area of your life; we'd love to connect. We've been there so many times and it's only easier because we have each other. Josh has sacrificed so much for my medical career already; even Basic Needs is taking way longer to get off the ground because of our transient and uncertain life. The reward is huge when you get there but the fear is real in the in between.
- Lydia
*For anyone new here, I'm a fourth year medical student going through the process of applying and interviewing for residency program in obstetrics and gynecology! CaRMS stands for Canadian Resident Matching Service. Thanks so much for following along! Match Day is sometime in MARCH!!!